The Sorcerer's World

A couple days after walking up and down the smoking hills at night, up to the evacuation we had to do, catching animals, moving animals, loading and unloading several times as fast as we could go, in 104F+ heat, air thick with ash to breathe, I felt the "lock-in" of my muscles, my back.

Worse than that, I noticed my calves and ankles had swollen. Whoa, there! I know that's not a good sign, what, I'm trying to recall, heart? Kidneys? Electrolyte imbalance? I lay down put my feet up high. Hard to take deep breaths, but that was the smoke, wasn't it? Of course it was the weekend, so no doctor available unless I wanted to spend 6 hours waiting on a gurney at the ER, and that's with insurance.

So I lay there among the undone things that surround me, thinking, is it really tiime to go? I thought, I'd rather not just yet.

If it's time, then nothing need be done, eh? But I felt the urge in me. Got up and heard a voice say, take an aspirin. Walked to the cupboard, heard, "take a cal/mag", heard "drink the selzer water for diuretic". "Take your bp med". I heard, "lay down, do not worry, just breathe slowly, sip the water, keep the feet up and moving."

There was a part of me that just wanted to lay down, and struggle, and another part that guided me through what could be done with ease. So I am writing now, feeling a little more mortal, dissolvable. I'm not ready for another go-round through childhood, so I'll listen and do what needs doing.

I read your (HealingSpirit) reply to the Bats are Back, about the terrible floods you had endured in Kansas. I think compared to that, my experience was less serious than for you and many others. My sis went through a couple of hurricanes in Louisiana, and decided to move elsewhere after the last storm surge engulfed her home. I cannot say it was that bad for me, but only that my body is not as, well, flexible as it used to be. I can still move and lift with that super strength that we get in a crisis, but the aftermath of that exertion I thought, might mean the end of me in this guise. I feel much better, and of course, I have my home still, not like you and your friend.

It seems to me that if one accepts that one's actions have some sort of force, some affect upon the world matrix one finds one's self in, or at least suspects this is possible, then I think I should be careful in my actions, as in economy and being aware of how my self moves through the environment. Some people might disagree to what degree if any that is.


But in my little world, I realize if I clomp around in the dark, I could kill more of my stinkbug friends, or if I pull up a rock and dislodge a caterpillar chrysalis, I know the effect it has in my little realm. What the ripple/quantum effect of that is is uncertain.

My immediate concern was that death, which to me is not a "personification" like Santa or the Easter Bunny, might dissolve my cohesion that day. I don't think this view is shared with very many people, it is my own feeling. To connect or reconnect with this particular cohesion seemed not only important, but doable. I am glad for that, LOL!