When i recapitulate my life, i come to the conclusion that the reason i choose "to walk path x" for example, follow castaneda's book and apply them to my life, the reason for that was reaching a level which maslow called 'self-actualization'. if you're not aware of maslow's hierarchy, i'll give you a quick overview:
self-actualization
esteem
love/belonging
safety
basic needs
everyone has to fulfill their basic needs eg food, shelter, before they can progress up the triangle to different 'states of awareness', as i like to see them. when you reach the top, you find fulfillment, in the sense that you're doing exactly what you want and you've found a place on this earth you can be happy with. reaching this level doesn't cut you off from those needs entirely, however, you are operating from a higher level. for example, a tramp's energy and focus is on fulfilling his/her basic needs, therefore has no energy for fulfilling their dreams.
i think that all the positive decisions i have made, all the advice i've followed from people like castaneda, all of it was designed purely to allow me the opportunity to 'realise my potential'.
once i'm at the top of the triangle, then i'll be inclined to push the boundaries even more - and see what lies beyond the scope of the 'human form', namely how is my life benefiting the entire universe?
this is important, because chunking up on desires: what you find is that if the desire is pure and positive, then it goes beyond the benefit for the self. your action could positively benefit those around you, and like a domino effect this action could change the world just a little.
i'll just quickly throw in some quotes from maslow's book "The farther reaches of human nature", excellent book - by the way. This was part of my research into teaching and learning - as I'm studying to be a teacher. Just thought it might interest you guys.
A.H. Maslow wrote:
The ideal college would be a kind of educational retreat in which you could try to find yourself; find out what you like and want; what you are and are not good at. People would take various subjects, attend various seminars, not quite sure of where they are going, but moving toward the discovery of vocation, and once they found it, they could then make good use of technological education. The chief goals of the ideal college, in other words, would be the discovery of identity, and with it, the discovery of vocation.
What do we mean by the discovery of identity? We mean finding out what your real desires and characteristics are, and being able to live in a way that expresses them. You learn to be authentic, to be honest in the sense of allowing your behavior and your speech to be the true and spontaneous expression of your inner feelings. Most of us have learned to avoid authenticity. You may be in the middle of a fight, and your guts are writhing with anger, but if the phone rings, you pick it up and sweetly say hello. Authenticity is the reduction of phoniness toward the zero point.
He goes on to discuss how to teach authenticity, including examples from his T-Group, which you can check out [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T-group_(social_psychology)"]here[/url]
i'll end this post with a little sentence which was particularly hilarious at first, but then rang true on a much deeper level. isn't it funny how the truth is always funny?

and if it's funny, why not laugh?

i guess sometimes the truth is scary funny like real frightening - pants shitting stuff - but once your over the initial 'expansion of awareness' phase, looking back on the transitions you've made in life, you gotta admit some of the truth you learnt is downright hilarious.
A.H. Maslow wrote:
(for even morons can learn emotionally and spiritually).