The Sorcerer's World

Alrighty, here we are again. That weird egomaniacal creature I played for most of this year is humbled. Dead? Maybe. I would offer an apology for my absence if I thought it were necessary, but my temporary absence was quite necessary. I moved. I now live outside Boston and am currently unemployed, terrifyingly.

A few points to mention here upon my return, deeper things later. I was at a point where my ego had become so damn heavy that I was ready to bow down to the folks who run this goddamn hootinanny here. Does that make sense? D, Melancholy, especially. Not that I don't have profound respect for this here. I am still eternally grateful for this little area of the interweb where I can go off like I can't anywhere else on the web. But my madness had consumed me this year. I experimented with some trips (non-drug induced) that REALLY fucked with my head and brought me places I had never been. I was at a point where I had forgotten that I shouldn't bow down and worship Earthly creatures (except in bed.) I had forgotten that I am my own god/dess.

Now I feel like I've finally crashed to the Earth again. Even though I'm unemployed and am riding a VERY fine line in the physical plane, I feel spiritually like I'm standing on much firmer ground.

OH, if I could only sum up quickly what I've gone through this year. What a head trip!

The only reason I'm making this quick right now is because my roommate of old and new is making me dinner, and I'm trying to fit things in nicely.

I had to raise a lot of hell to get here. Burned a LOT of things, inside myself and outside. And I'm not quite sure where I'm at anymore.

I've engaged in an agreement with an old friend, an agreement designed to break old programmings, especially concerning the way I treat women and relationships. (Not that I'm an abusive asshole or anything, it seems quite the opposite, and I've had more than a handful of long term relationships die on me in a repetitious manner, but that's an entirely different post.)

The ego trip that I was on when I arrived here, in this forum, was something altogether new for me for this unholy year of their lord, 2009, or 3 B.E. as I refer to it. I feel like the trip I've been on this year so far, the ego trip, was a conscious choice to engage with such a swollen ego, and I've killed it...for the most part. Or maybe it was just destined to crash and burn...(?) Regardless, it changed me, certainly. But I feel that the ego, as unavoidable and destructive as it can be for us humans, HAS its purposes and CAN be positive, and I considered my trip, from the beginning, to be an educational experience, far removed from the egghead intellectual learning I've devoted myself to for my whole conscious life.

So for a while, for most of this year, I blasphemed my books, I blasphemed my art, I blasphemed my humility in the name of learning the powers and limitations of a swollen ego. And really, only yesterday did I feel like my weather balloon experiment finally landed, face first in the primordial mud I knew for so long.

And standing on wobbly knees again, feeling a bit lost, I come back to thee.

So I hope my absence is excused in the name of personal evolution. I had to face things for a hot minute, and now I face different things... And I expect, or rather hope for, nothing but brutal truth from you folk who seem to ride the same wavelength as I do.


Synchronicity Worth Noting: I now share a bookshelf with my roommate Jen (who deserves more props than I could give) who somehow owns more Carlos Castaneda books than I knew. So my next mission is a little bit of catch-up in the name of being more knowledgeable in the metaphors used here... Because fuck man, nothing I love more than a good challenge mixed with a little bit of direction... I Hail Eris in all facets, but without direction, I tend to descend into a self-destructive, aimless sort of masturbatory whatever. No challenge, no gain...


Also: To answer a question raised by D, Hells to the Yes I am familiar with the works of Peter Carroll. (Another something that's worth it's own post.) I went through a period of time where I 'defeated the curse of monotheism', in my own head, of course. And of course, these weird spiritual inheritances have a tendency to resurrect themselves, ironically.

But that is, of course, another post deserved to go somewhere here in this maze.

So here I am. I give my respects as a fellow human, and I give my respects to the elders as a youngster. The only condition I hold is to be direct. Show me what I don't see, and ask questions you would ask your own best of friends, because that's how I'm willing to treat this.

And dinner is ready...


Blessed Be.

Welcome back!

Glad you got moved & hopefully semi-settled in your new abode. Sounds like you've been on quite a ride for quite some time. That's usually a good thing in the big picture, but may drive you crazy in the short term. heh.

Just wanted to acknowledge this for now. We've been on the road for the last 6 weeks, so my online time has been limited at best (also a good thing). Hope to connect more with you over the weeks ahead, as we move into a more sedate autumn/winter phase.

Looking forward to hearing more about your changes.

D